Thursday, June 30, 2011

RE: Your lack of manners


It is high time someone explained to you about good manners. Yours are obvious by their absence and I feel sorry for you.

Unfortunately for Freddie, he has fallen in love with you and Freddie being Freddie, I gather it is not easy to reason with him or yet encourage him to consider how he might be able to help you.

It may just be possible to get through to you though. I do hope so.

Your behaviour on your visit to Devon during April was staggering in its uncouthness and lack of grace.

Unfortunately, this was not the first example of bad manners I have experienced from you.

If you want to be accepted by the wider Bourne family I suggest you take some guidance from experts with utmost haste.

There are plenty of finishing schools around. You would be an ideal candidate for the Ladette to Lady television series.

Please, for your own good, for Freddie's sake and for your future involvement with the Bourne family, do something as soon as possible.

Here are a few examples of your lack of manners:

When you are a guest in another's house, you do not declare what you will and will not eat - unless you are positively allergic to something.

You do not remark that you do not have enough food.

You do not start before everyone else.

You do not take additional helpings without being invited to by your host.

When a guest in another's house, you do not lie in bed until late morning in households that rise early - you fall in line with house norms.

You should never ever insult the family you are about to join at any time and most definitely not in public. I gather you passed this off as a joke but the reaction in the pub was one of shock, not laughter.

I have no idea whether you wrote to thank [your future sister-in-law] for the weekend but you should have hand-written a card to her.

You should have hand-written a card to me. You have never written to thank me when you have stayed at Houndspool.

[Your future sister-in-law] has quite the most exquisite manners of anyone I have ever come across. You would do well to follow her example.

You regularly draw attention to yourself. Perhaps you should ask yourself why.

It is tragic that you have diabetes. However, you aren't the only young person in the world who is a diabetic.

I know quite a few young people who have this condition, one of whom is getting married in June. I have never heard her discuss her condition.
She quietly gets on with it. She doesn't like being diabetic. Who would? You do not need to regale everyone with the details of your condition or use it as an excuse to draw attention to yourself. It is vulgar.

As a diabetic of long standing you must be acutely aware of the need to prepare yourself for extraordinary eventualities, the walk to Mothecombe beach being an example.

You are experienced enough to have prepared yourself appropriately.

No-one gets married in a castle unless they own it. It is brash, celebrity style behaviour.

I understand your parents are unable to contribute very much towards the cost of your wedding. (There is nothing wrong with that except that convention is such that one might presume they would have saved over the years for their daughters' marriages.)

If this is the case, it would be most ladylike and gracious to lower your sights and have a modest wedding as befits both your incomes.

One could be accused of thinking that Heidi Withers must be patting herself on the back for having caught a most eligible young man. I pity Freddie.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Same Name

BRADY BUNCH MOM GOT CRABS IN AFFAIR WITH NY MAYOR

- This would have made an interesting episode of "The Brady Bunch."

Florence Henderson, the actress who played perky mom Carol Brady in the beloved family sitcom, says she once got crabs after a one-night-stand with career politician John Lindsay, who was the mayor of New York City at the time.

Henderson, now 77, recounts in her upcoming memoir that she was cheating on her husband during the 1960s, and gave in to her better judgment when her married and unattractive friend put the moves on her over drinks at the Beverly Hills Hotel.


"I was lonely. I knew it wasn't the right thing to do. So, what did I do? I did it," she writes in "Life is Not a Stage," set for publication in September.

Henderson went home later that night, and awoke to a grisly surprise the next day as she saw "little black things" crawling over her bed and body.


An urgent call to a doctor took care of the problem, known medically as pubic lice, and Lindsay sent her flowers and a note of apology.

"Guess I learned the hard way that crabs do not discriminate but cross over all socioeconomic strata," Henderson writes. "He must have had quite the active life. What a way to put the kibosh on a relationship."

Lindsay, who died in 2000, was was mayor of New York from 1966 to 1973. Before that, he was a U.S. congressman. He launched a brief bid for the Democratic presidential nomination in 1972. His wife of 51 years died in 2004.

Henderson is probably best known for her work on "The Brady Bunch," a comedy about a blended family that ran between 1969 and 1974 and remains popular worldwide.

But the book devotes only a chapter to that part of her life, and she shoots down the oft-told story that she had an off-screen affair with Barry Williams, who played her eldest teen-aged stepson, Greg Brady.

"Barry did have a serious crush on me, which I understood and helped him get past," Henderson writes. "Let us just say that if he had entertained a roll in the hay with me, I would never have done it."

The two, separated in age by 20 years, remain good friends to this day, she adds.

For the most part, the book focuses on Henderson's childhood in an abusive home, her struggles with papal edicts about birth control, her Broadway stardom, and her second marriage to her therapist. Co-written with Joel Brokaw, it will be published by Hachette's Center Street imprint on Sept. 20. (To read more about our entertainment news, visit our blog "Fan Fare" online at http://blogs.reuters.com/fanfare/)

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Full throttle



married


imagine my old ass face buried between those enormous tits. Fuck yeah.

Fake Letter Below

First, the bad news. Sean Connery never actually sent a typewritten letter to Steve Jobs in 1998 refusing to be in an Apple ad. But the awesome news is that quite a few people believe Connery owns personalized stationery with a "007" vanity stamp in the corner and that he would have no qualms using it to dash off a letter dressing down Jobs by declaring "...you are a computer salesman. I am f%$^ing JAMES BOND!"
The letter was actually part of a satirical article on the previously little known (and very specific) humor site, Scoopertino, which peddles Onion-style and tongue-in-cheek "Unreal Apple News."
But when British marketing exec John Willshire took the letter seriously and posted it on Twitter and his blog, it started rocketing around Twitter and beyond.
At one point early today, Willshire was among the top trending topics on Twitter, beating out even Wimbledon in the U.K. Willshire has since posted an update clarifying that the Connery-to-Jobs letter was in fact a fake and explaining that he had been duped.
Ironically, Willshire sells himself and his firm as specializing in social media, which means one of two things--either he's a bit overconfident, or he's some kind of marketing evil genius who had this entire viral strategy planned from the very start as a publicity stunt. If the reality is the latter, there's only one superspy agent I know of who could challenge such an evil mastermind. I've already begun drafting a letter to Mr. Connery...


Read more: http://news.cnet.com/8301-17938_105-20073014-1/fake-sean-connery-letter-to-steve-jobs-goes-viral/#ixzz1Q1KPob8e